Rep. Anthony Weiner’s big mistake: he’s too queer

June 12, 2011 § Leave a comment

We’ve all heard too much by now. New York congressman Anthony Weiner is caught in a salacious sex scandal consisting of lies and denial and dirty talk and erections and moist vaginas and shame soaked confessions…but no penetration.

Rep. Weiner did not seal the deal.

Anthony Weiner

Not aroused at gay pride yet proud of his penis!

Alas, this is where Weiner went wrong. This is why he is no Senator David Vitter from Louisiana. Four years ago, Senator Vitter’s phone number was found in the register of a prostitution service out of Washington DC. He admitted that he had indeed fucked a prostitute and that he asked gawd to forgive him and he received forgiveness from gawd (and his wife).

How does one know that they have received forgiveness from gawd? Did he get a certificate in the mail? Did he wake up with a fish bowl like halo glowing over his penis head? Did the results from the sex clinic come back negative for chlamydia and he interpreted that as a gift from gawd?

Jesus halo

Did Vitter's penis glow like this?

In whatever way Vitter was able to determine his absolution from sin the statement that he made penis / vagina contact – while married to his wife and the father of four children – he was never pressured to resign from his seat in the Senate and received a standing ovation from his colleagues at the Southern Republican Leadership Conference in 2010.

At the conference, the paragon of virtue himself, Rick Santorum (<- click that link) “…lauded the ‘principled conservative leadership that David Vitter has shown in the United States Senate.’”

David Vitter

Vitter the shitter

Even one of the prostitutes caught up in the DC Madame investigation said of Vitter: “‘It wasn’t all about dirty, raunchy, crazy sex,’ Maier told the AP. ‘It was a bunch of guys coming over hanging out with the girls and having a few cocktails, and men being men.'” Vitter just needed a woman to listen to him.

Apparently, one could surmise, so did Anthony Weiner.

Weiner lives in New York and works in DC. His wife works for the US Secretary of State so she is traveling all over the world. Anthony and Huma Weiner have been married for barely a year. The dude has a big schlong. He has needs. Why can’t he be cut some slack in a country obsessed with sex, steeped in adultery, out of wedlock births, serial divorce/re-marriage and pre-marital sex? Why is what Weiner did WORSE than Vitter breaking the law and his marital vows by fucking a prostitute repeatedly and exposing his wife and children to sexually transmitted infections?

Weiner is worse because he was touching his penis. He crossed the hetero line. REAL men don’t touch their own penises unless they are guiding it inside a woman’s vagina, ass or mouth or in between her breasts. Weiner is not a real man because he got himself off with some ribald sex talk with a half dozen women while he obviously was masturbating his turgid and moist penis.

The big revelation today is that Weiner took pictures of himself in a locker room with his smart phone (perhaps at the Congressional gym?) in front of a mirror wearing only a towel while grabbing his penis. Kind of like one would find at the gay erotic website Guys with i-Phones (NSFW).

Weiner is showing off his physique, drawing attention to his tool, risking exposure in a public place potentially in front of colleagues.

But again, all this bravado and obvious ego is not the same masculinity that is present when a man mounts a woman and thrusts his married, procreating cock deep inside a woman’s hired vagina and ejaculates into her or on her.

According to the stodgy and decidedly unerotic CBS Sunday news program Face the Nation, Anthony Weiner’s behavior is bizarre: “Rep. Steny Hoyer of Maryland, the No. 2 House Democrat, spoke of Weiner’s ‘bizarre and unacceptable behavior’ in texting inappropriate pictures of himself to young women.”

What was Weiner thinking? Sure he made the unforgivable error of trying to cover his tracks and deny the claims for days leading up to his admission. Yes, those denials are all on video and he looks like a total FOOL for trying so hard to cover his ass. Everyone hates a liar.

Except that it seems the public wants men like Weiner to either be better liars or bigger fuck ups.

Weiner should have either been completely anonymous with his masturbatory excesses (which would have been difficult since he was having so much consensual fun with these women BECAUSE of who he is) keeping the public from ever having to know that he massages his erection – or he should have been a man about it, hired a whore, and fucked her.

Anthony Weiner was too queer in expressing his manly urges. He never should have put himself in the position of having to admit that he engages in masturbation – a decidedly unmasculine act that does not require contact with the golden chalice of heterosexuality: The Vagina.

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