Lodi, CA meth head arrested with scrunchie on his wiener

April 30, 2011 § 3 Comments

Shawn Batie

Likes to feel a breeze on his taint

This is the best story of the week.

Shawn Batie was arrested last Friday – April 22 – under suspicion of being under the influence of something.

What made the cops think Mr. Batie was under the influence? Was it because he was “very jittery and his pupils were dilated?” Maybe they were tipped off by the fact he was standing in the dirt next to a cemetery yelling into the dark.

That could be…or maybe they were suspicious because Mr. Beatie “was wearing an Oakland Raiders jacket, a g-string and a hair scrunchie around his genitals. He was also wearing socks.”

It’s good that he was wearing socks. Standing barefoot in mud wearing a cock ring on would be gross.

Virginia 5-yr-old girl, caged, starving, nude, and slathered in feces

April 30, 2011 § 2 Comments

Just another traditional home in the supremacist state of Virginia.

Brian and Shannon Gore have a one month old baby and a five year old girl that they kept in a crib with a board over the top keeping her contained in a cell like structure. She was also starving and coated in shit…barely alive…but still living.

Police also uncovered the body of a child buried in the back yard that was not quite as lucky as the girl in the cage.

Brian and Shannon Gore

Virginia is for lovers!

Shannon and Brian Gore were upholding their end of the bargain: one man / one woman, married, living together and raising their little gifts from gawd. That’s the way the citizens of Virginia want it to be. In their minds those are the families that gawd blesses and consequently the only ones that the state will recognize and boast about. The Gores didn’t seem to be boasting about all of their children though.

The neighbors thought they only had one baby – the newborn. No one knew about the girl in the cage or the baby buried in the yard. Why were the Gores keeping the news of these blessings from gawd to themselves?

Gawd tells male/female couples – the Adam and Eves of America – to pair up and be fruitful and multiply. Do it!!  Pass laws to make sure you do it and do it well and do it often and don’t let anyone else do it because NOBODY does it better than a man/woman couple.

In the narrow and swampy minds of many people in the state of Virginia a man/woman couple is the ONLY way that children can be raised.  Those families must be protected from having to share legal privileges with same-sex couples because gawd Jesus lord and the old man in a dress that lives in Italy just don’t like the sound of it and Virginians do what those two institutions tell them to do.

That’s why Virginia has the the strictest anti-gay relationship laws and amendments in the entire country.

Man/woman families like Shannon and Brian Gore are the ideal that gays can’t uphold. Two gays have repetitive genitalia. It’s redundant! There’s no pole for the hole (or vice versa) and those gays are confused and don’t know what they are doing.

Halo

Holy fishbowl special effect

The Gore family knows what they are doing. They have the glow of the holy fishbowl over their head.

Thank gawd those three children weren’t being raised by two gays.

Imagine the horror of that.

America’s sacred tradition: economic upswing = increased divorce rate

April 29, 2011 § Leave a comment

The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers announced today that they can tell that the US economy is improving because the divorce rate is finally – finally – beginning to rise.

They explain about the difficulties that married couples confront when their relationships sour during a recession and how the incidences of “divorce dropped 24 percent in 2008 and 57 percent in 2009” because of financial insecurity. Divorce filings started to increase at the end of 2010.

Sure, that’s an interesting economic indicator, but there is another aspect to this information that should also be considered.

Look at these statistics that compare 2007 and 2009:   

In New York state, for example, the number of divorces dropped from 51,626 to 41,899; in Florida, there were 78,357 divorces in 2007 and 73,860 in 2009; and in Pennsylvania, the numbers dropped from 32,293 to 25,690.

That’s some pretty stark numbers to consider if you think about the ongoing culture war against same-sex marriage.

New York State

Limbo

New York state can’t get its shit together to establish marriage equality (or even the ludicrous option of civil unions) – nor have they found it necessary to pass a definition of marriage law or amendment to the constitution to “protect tradition” as more than thirty other states have done.

Yet they don’t bat a fucking eye at the fact that tens of thousands of New Yorkers file for divorce in any given year. Even with a decline of 10k over two years that still shows that New York State residents care more about discriminating against gay couples than they do about protecting a supposed sacred institution.

Florida

Hetero supremacist state

Florida? Florida passed an amendment in 2008 (with 62% in favor) that read as follows: “This amendment protects marriage as the legal union of only one man and one woman as husband and wife and provides that no other legal union that is treated as marriage or the substantial equivalent thereof shall be valid or recognized.”

Florida voters “protected” marriage while over 200,000 men put asunder something that god had united. Are we really supposed to believe that this march to the ballot isn’t merely an exercise in punishing queers?

Pennsylvania

Penisveinia

Pennyslvania’s divorce stats are not as alarming as NY or FL yet there is still an aching, throbbing, urge to threaten gay couples with an amendment…if they dare push to be counted among the 100k straight couples that demand to be sole flouters of tradition.

What keeps heteroseuxal couples together during tough times…for better or worse…whether richer or poorer? Is it the belief in the sacred institution that keeps America strong and gives children a home and makes gawd smile and gives the Pope a tent in his dress?

According to Linda Lea Viken, the president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers couples stayed together because they were “…afraid they were going to lose their jobs so they were very cautious about getting a divorce because you have to split your assets.”

Christian zealots and political schemers and carnival barkers alike, should take their false notions of the divine higher calling between gawd and heterosexual unions and shove them clear up their asses.

Their objections to marriage equality are not about preservation of thousands of years of recorded history. They are about preserving their own privilege to be as gawdless and bigoted as they wanna be.

Mormon MILF Christine Hubbs on her 14 yr old victim: “He started it”

April 29, 2011 § Leave a comment

Shocking news!

Christine Hubbs, a Livermore mother of three, doing time for having unlawful sex with 2 teen age boys (one was her daughter’s ex-boyrfriend) gave an interview to San Francisco ABC affiliate KGO-TV.

But that’s not the shocking part.

She was known as the “Hummer Mom” and she managed her husband’s dental office and she used to have sexual encounters with her young paramour in the backseat of her car that had a license plate that read “HUMDNGA.”

Christine Hubbs

Someone give this woman an Altoid

Still…in Mrs. Hubbs’ mind that’s not what she would like us to find shocking.

Mrs. Hubbs sent dirty text messages and pictures of her boobs and approached her victim wearing nothing under an overcoat…kind of like a flasher.

Police detectives read one of the thousands of messages sent to the young man.  One of them said “You are mine, mine, mine so tell all the other girls to f— off. I miss your touch.” She showered him with gifts and tried to make him jealous by hitting on – and fooling around with – her victim’s best friend.

So, what’s the shocking part? 

Mrs. Hubbs says it was the horny inappropriate 14 yr old boy that was at fault. He wanted this to happen. She wouldn’t have been drawn into his young sticky and delicious web of ejaculate if it wasn’t all his idea.

Mrs. Hubbs should consider becoming a Catholic Priest after her release from prison. Her explanation – her excuse for inexcusable and criminal behavior – is exactly the same one offered by Bill Donhue, president of the Catholic League in defense of the ongoing molestation scandals that continue to plague the secretive and complicit church.

They all belong in jail…for a long long time.

PA mom leaves kids coated in feces and locked up

April 28, 2011 § 1 Comment

Chelsea Champey – a 21 year old mother of 3 from the Philadelphia area – offers a unique lesson in child rearing for same-sex families that just can’t seem to get it right.

Her advice:  lock your 2 yr old up in a room secured by a dead bolt lock to keep the feces in a controlled environment.

Chelsea Champey

Feces mom

“(Champey) admitted that she locked the two-year-old upstairs, police said, telling an officer “if (the girl) was allowed downstairs, she would have the main floor in the same condition as the third floor.”

It just makes good sense, don’t you think? 

That room may need to be repainted if your child is anything like Chelsea’s because the police noticed that “…scrape marks on the inside of the door…were within the reach of (the girl’s) height and are suspected to have been from (the girl) clawing at the door to get out.”

One solution to the scraping could be regular manicures or possibly starting a movement that would eliminate the possibility of legalized gay relationships to preserve traditional child rearing techniques like Ms. Champey’s.

Pennsylvania has not passed an amendment to their state constitution that prohibits recognition of same-sex relationships but there is a state law on the books that defines marriage as exclusively heterosexual.

That law helped the children of Chelsea Champey to feel secure that they were upholding tradition even when they were left at home alone for hours under the care of an invisible babysitter. Gawd IS the ultimate invisible babysitter. Gawd provides care and nourishment – but not to children raised by gays.

Chelsea’s kids (aged 4, 2 and 1) were given access to food whenever they needed it: while waiting for the social workers to arrive, “one little girl pulled a cookie from between the couch cushions and began to eat it.”  Who do you think put that cookie in the couch? G-O-D did, that’s who!

Traditional values must continue to be protected from the evil influence of same-sex families that might not allow children to be exposed to god’s hidden cookies.

Oh homosexuals…you have so much to learn.

Ban Hetero teachers in No. Carolina – save our kids!

April 27, 2011 Comments Off on Ban Hetero teachers in No. Carolina – save our kids!

Young male school teacher

Mr. Semen porked a student

A young woman in North Carolina wrote an essay about a high school teacher that she had sex with, got pregnant, and then had the baby aborted – and she didn’t make it up!!!

I guess this wasn’t an assignment in her creative writing class.

The title of the essay (“I had an affair with my high school teacher”) lacks imagination and mystery but the content of the piece was enough to have the teacher, Terry Lamar Jones, 28, charged with 64 felony counts of sex with a student, each one punishable by 15 months in prison.  Mr. Jones just couldn’t help himself.

Clearly, heterosexual men should not be allowed to teach young, impressionable girls because they cannot be trusted around ripening vaginas. 

This proves that heterosexual men are predators and are disguising themselves as teachers in order to gain access to American youth and indoctrinate them in the salacious world of cunnilingus and coitus – similar to the false generalizations freely espoused and propagated by right wing religious fanatics about gays.

North Carolina voters have not – repeat (and I hope you are seated) have NOT – passed an amendment to their state constitution that discriminates against homosexual relationships (they are trying) but  they do have a law against recognition of gay relationships. 

This  anti-gay law hasn’t protected the young college age woman  who is now haunted by the sound of her teacher’s coagulated semen being sucked out of her birth canal: 

“The sound of the vacuum still rings in my ears almost three years later,” she wrote. “He had taken me to Greensboro because he was scared of someone from school or anyone catching us together at the abortion clinic — didn’t want anyone `getting the wrong idea.'”

What is the “wrong idea?” Perhaps the wrong idea is that marriage, tradition, and moral values are not defended by enforcing anti-gay bigotry.  The hetero predators, abusers and serial divorcers will still rage on….no matter what gawd, The Pope, or Donald Trump says.
 
If North Carolina wants to protect the children they should pass a constitutional amendment that keeps heterosexual men from becoming teachers.

So. Carolina man shoots gf and is caught with his pants down

April 23, 2011 § Leave a comment

South Carolina seems like such a gorgeous place. There are Jesus-loving traditional families everywhere. No gays ruining marriage or other sacred institutions.

And everyone has a gun.

Jared Chappell was at home eating potato chips when he heard gunshots and his wife screaming. He grabbed his gun and ran outside. “When I ran I rounded that middle trailer and he was standing out in the yard. He had a gun in one hand, his pants was (sic) around his ankles and I pointed at him and told him to get down or I’m going to shoot you.

Johnathan Givens

Traditional baby daddy

Johnathan Givens had shot his girlfriend (and the mother of his baby) in the foot during an altercation that began inside their home and spilled outside where the victim “…was running around. Blood was gushing out of her foot, like it didn’t matter to her. They were drunk. Both of them.” Of course they were! This was in a trailer park in South Carolina where intelligent ideas are concocted and life is held in sacred christlike reverence.

The Givenses are just like the other residents of the state of South Carolina that passed an amendment –  78% in favor – to their state constitution that reads (in part): “…the institution of marriage in South Carolina consists only of the union between one man and one woman. No other domestic union is valid and legal. The State and its political subdivisions are prohibited from creating or recognizing any right or claim respecting any other domestic union, whatever it may be called, or from giving effect to any such right or benefit recognized in any other state or jurisdiction.”

It sounds to me like whoever wrote that amendment was also drunk. The people who voted to pass it were probably drunk too. And armed. And probably either divorced or had squeezed out an out of wedlock puppy or two somewhere at the side of the road. The voters probably had their pants at their ankles when they showed up at the polling place.

Americans can sleep soundly with the knowledge that their precious institution of traditional marriage is safe in the hands of drunken unmarried procreating people that shoot each other with their pants at their ankles.

That is exactly what Jesus had in mind when he created marriage 5000 years ago.

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