June 27, 2011 § 3 Comments
Last weekend, deep in the heart of Ohio, a school teacher was arrested and charged with domestic violence, assault, obstructing official business, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct after getting tanked up at a wedding.
Police were called after witnesses observed Ms. Robinette outside of a reception hall punching her husband. When the officers showed up, Ms. Robinette ran to the car and locked herself inside. Her husband told police that he had been struck several times by his wife.
When the lawmen tried to get the woman out of the car, she warned them that she was “a breast feeding mother.”
Is this some kind of new expression people are using in Ohio to try to convince the police to be gentle? Is this a 2011 version of “don’t tase me bro?”
“What did I do wrong, officer? Why are you arresting me? I’m a breast feeding mother!”
Ms. Robinette wasn’t being threatened with a taser gun, but as the police attempted to restrain her, she pulled her breast out of her dress “and began spraying deputies and the vehicle with her breast milk.”
She has pleaded not guilty to all the charges.
Let’s count the ways this upstanding example of motherhood and traditional, sacred, sanctified marriage conducted herself. A heterosexual school teacher that molds the minds (indoctrinates) of the precious children of Ohio – a new mother (maybe for the first time, maybe not) – arrested for beating her husband and flashing and squeezing her boob in public – at police officers!
Ms. Robinette should be thanking her lucky stars that she is not a lesbian. Lesbians wouldn’t get away with this kind of behavior in gawd’s favorite state.
Ohio has some of the strictest and most redundant levels of legislation and state constitutional language in the country that explicitly defines marriage as being a pure and exclusive right of the supreme majority – GAWD’S HETEROSEXUAL angels. Ohioans don’t want to hear one gawdamned thing about same-sex bullshit. It’s all penis/vagina all the time in the Buckeye State.
OK – it’s penis/vagina 24/7 and a little bit of titty squirting. Don’t forget about the inherent gawd given right to squirt your tits at the cops if they come at you like jack booted thugs just because you punched your penisy husband a few times.
Besides, as Sheriff Walter Davis explained, “This is a prime example of how alcohol can make individuals do things they would not normally do.” And it says right there in Holy Babble (somewhere…help me out…what chapter is it?) that all nursing mothers should drink as much alcohol as possible or you just aren’t being traditional enough.
Heteros…they can do no wrong in the eyes of the lard!
June 21, 2011 § Leave a comment
Here is my proposed exemption language for the marriage equality bill:
“Supremacists that demand the right to exclude and discriminate against LGBT people in public accommodations will continue to be coddled by the government they hate, that they are exempt from paying taxes to support, and will never ever have to spend a moment of time in the presence of faggotry. Any LGBT person that bothers wasting a moment of their life in the presence of these morons should expect to be shunned by all intelligent people with a conscience.”
June 12, 2011 § Leave a comment
We’ve all heard too much by now. New York congressman Anthony Weiner is caught in a salacious sex scandal consisting of lies and denial and dirty talk and erections and moist vaginas and shame soaked confessions…but no penetration.
Rep. Weiner did not seal the deal.
Alas, this is where Weiner went wrong. This is why he is no Senator David Vitter from Louisiana. Four years ago, Senator Vitter’s phone number was found in the register of a prostitution service out of Washington DC. He admitted that he had indeed fucked a prostitute and that he asked gawd to forgive him and he received forgiveness from gawd (and his wife).
How does one know that they have received forgiveness from gawd? Did he get a certificate in the mail? Did he wake up with a fish bowl like halo glowing over his penis head? Did the results from the sex clinic come back negative for chlamydia and he interpreted that as a gift from gawd?
In whatever way Vitter was able to determine his absolution from sin the statement that he made penis / vagina contact – while married to his wife and the father of four children – he was never pressured to resign from his seat in the Senate and received a standing ovation from his colleagues at the Southern Republican Leadership Conference in 2010.
At the conference, the paragon of virtue himself, Rick Santorum (<- click that link) “…lauded the ‘principled conservative leadership that David Vitter has shown in the United States Senate.’”
Even one of the prostitutes caught up in the DC Madame investigation said of Vitter: “‘It wasn’t all about dirty, raunchy, crazy sex,’ Maier told the AP. ‘It was a bunch of guys coming over hanging out with the girls and having a few cocktails, and men being men.'” Vitter just needed a woman to listen to him.
Apparently, one could surmise, so did Anthony Weiner.
Weiner lives in New York and works in DC. His wife works for the US Secretary of State so she is traveling all over the world. Anthony and Huma Weiner have been married for barely a year. The dude has a big schlong. He has needs. Why can’t he be cut some slack in a country obsessed with sex, steeped in adultery, out of wedlock births, serial divorce/re-marriage and pre-marital sex? Why is what Weiner did WORSE than Vitter breaking the law and his marital vows by fucking a prostitute repeatedly and exposing his wife and children to sexually transmitted infections?
Weiner is worse because he was touching his penis. He crossed the hetero line. REAL men don’t touch their own penises unless they are guiding it inside a woman’s vagina, ass or mouth or in between her breasts. Weiner is not a real man because he got himself off with some ribald sex talk with a half dozen women while he obviously was masturbating his turgid and moist penis.
The big revelation today is that Weiner took pictures of himself in a locker room with his smart phone (perhaps at the Congressional gym?) in front of a mirror wearing only a towel while grabbing his penis. Kind of like one would find at the gay erotic website Guys with i-Phones (NSFW).
Weiner is showing off his physique, drawing attention to his tool, risking exposure in a public place potentially in front of colleagues.
But again, all this bravado and obvious ego is not the same masculinity that is present when a man mounts a woman and thrusts his married, procreating cock deep inside a woman’s hired vagina and ejaculates into her or on her.
According to the stodgy and decidedly unerotic CBS Sunday news program Face the Nation, Anthony Weiner’s behavior is bizarre: “Rep. Steny Hoyer of Maryland, the No. 2 House Democrat, spoke of Weiner’s ‘bizarre and unacceptable behavior’ in texting inappropriate pictures of himself to young women.”
What was Weiner thinking? Sure he made the unforgivable error of trying to cover his tracks and deny the claims for days leading up to his admission. Yes, those denials are all on video and he looks like a total FOOL for trying so hard to cover his ass. Everyone hates a liar.
Except that it seems the public wants men like Weiner to either be better liars or bigger fuck ups.
Weiner should have either been completely anonymous with his masturbatory excesses (which would have been difficult since he was having so much consensual fun with these women BECAUSE of who he is) keeping the public from ever having to know that he massages his erection – or he should have been a man about it, hired a whore, and fucked her.
Anthony Weiner was too queer in expressing his manly urges. He never should have put himself in the position of having to admit that he engages in masturbation – a decidedly unmasculine act that does not require contact with the golden chalice of heterosexuality: The Vagina.