LGBT San Francisco News: Pink Saturday On Life Support! SF Pride to the rescue?

February 17, 2015 § Leave a comment

The fact that the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have officially filed for divorce from the arranged marriage it had with Pink Saturday should not be terribly surprising. It might have been necessary to arrange an intervention if The Sisters didn’t break up with Pink Saturday. Their relationship had become abusive.

One of the sisters was harassed and beaten during Pink Saturday last year.

That’s it, ok? THEY ARE DONE!

The LAST leaflet for Pink Saturday produced by The Sisters

The LAST leaflet for Pink Saturday produced by The Sisters

Now we wait to see what Scott Wiener will come up with since this hot potato / political opportunity has been tossed into his lengthy lap. There had to have been dozens of breathy phone calls made this weekend regarding the future of Pink Saturday.

Hundreds of thousands of people come to San Francisco every June to spend money in celebration of LGBT Pride. This year is anticipated to draw a larger than average crowd because of a (mostly anti-climactic) US Supreme Court decision expected at the same time. .

My guess is that the SF Pride Board is under pressure to help Scott Wiener come up with a solution to the Pink Saturday question.

The SF Pride Board is already deeply immersed in planning their HUGE, all consuming. understaffed and perennially underfunded two day party. What organization is in a better place to take over this monstrous task than SF Pride?

They have experience and skills and a history of throwing successful parties on an enormous scale. They have been working with the city for years seeking support on issues that have plagued the Pride Parade. At the same time, how can SF Pride be expected to assume the burden of planning ANOTHER party – one that happens in the middle of their two day transdykehomopalooza – with a four month lead?

One solution we know we can count on hearing more about is corporate sponsorship.

Any assistance that the city can come up with at this point will have to be centered around money. If the Pride Board takes on this task they will need money. In fact, they should demand money. Lots of money.

The City of San Francisco has granted a paltry $64,200 to SF LGBT Pride Celebration Committee for 2014/2015. That’s embarrassing considering how much money has been added to the coffers in SF every June for years…for decades…as the LGBT Pride event has ballooned into the largest such event in the entire country.

San Francisco needs a well produced weekend at the end of June. The city needs the tourist money and it needs the positive press generated from hosting a successful event. What is the city willing to contribute to help keep Pride successful? How much did the city give America’s Cup? How much will the city pay to host Super Bowl 50?

Last year during secret negotiations with the city, the Pride Board was given what amounted to an ultimatum: take sponsorship from AirBnB or forget any additional assistance. The SF Pride Board accepted the offer causing many supporters to choke back vomit at the idea of using AirBnB funds to throw a party honoring tenants rights activist Tommi Avicoli Mecca as a Grand Marshal. Was there a choice? Not really.

Wiener in hair net

Wiener in hair net

Will Scott Wiener, the Supervisor of District 8 (that includes the Castro neighborhood) advocate for emergency funds from the city or will he rely upon friends of the administration to provide needed resources?

There isn’t much time to waste. In the coming weeks, Supervisor Wiener will need to hustle to come up with a plan. The privatization of Pink Saturday is a likely outcome as sponsors (AirBnB, Uber, Ron Conway et al) are undoubtedly stifling erections waiting for phones to ring. Sponsorship of Pink Saturday is an excellent way to advertise to a captive audience – many from abroad – and make a goodwill gesture to San Franciscans weary of destructive public events that are also wary of privatization that is increasingly encroaching upon public space in the city.

It’s time to start working on the gag reflex again.

SF Archbishop Cordileone to Monitor Teaching Staff for Evidence of Masturbation

February 5, 2015 § 3 Comments

Life of the party!

Life of the party!

San Francisco Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone gets lonely sometimes.

Even though he’s the Grand Wizard of the local Catholic Supremacist Society in San Francisco he sometimes runs out of paperwork to do…or things to staple…or bingo games to call…etc. Who knows what an Archbishop does from day to day besides feeding the poor and checking in on the ill and elderly? There have to be slow days. Every job has them.

Plus, now that the whole Jesus Birthday season is over the Catholics-In-Charge must be experiencing a loss. Things were so busy for weeks and then BAM it’s December 26. Welcome to afterglow, Sal. You’ve climaxed and finished your cigarette and taken a pee…what now? Feeling peckish? Might be a good time to pick on some little girls!

Last week, Fr. Jospehy Illio from Star of the Sea church in San Francisco decided that he was no longer interested in allowing girls to act as altar servers. Illio has been on the job for 6 months. Girls had been serving at the altar for decades. What he says goes!! Maybe the holy spirit came to him in the middle of the night and told him to axe the chicks – or did the spirit visit the guy in charge when girls were first allowed to serve? Is gawd fickle? The mean spirited action against girls must have been too easy because this week there’s more Catholic peevishness.

This week the Archbishop of San Francisco announced the diocese will issue updated language in a handbook distributed to faculty at the four Catholic high schools. Beginning in August 2015, teachers are expected to avoid “gravely evil” behaviors in their professional and private lives. No reproductive technology! No homo! No sex outside of marriage! No masturbation! Archbishop Sal Cordileone isn’t having it!

There are ways to find out about breeches of most of these rules but nothing specific was mentioned about how anyone in the Archdiocese will know whether or not teachers have been masturbating. Will Cordileone be conducting inspections? Will he sniff the hands of each teacher to detect the scent of jizz? Maybe there is a way to monitor employees at home when temptation might be difficult to resist.

Perhaps the diocese should purchase electronic ankle monitor bracelets for teachers to wear.

Orgasm detectors!!

Orgasm detectors!!

If repetitious motions are accompanied by a change in heart rate the GRAVELY EVIL alarm will sound and a crucifix will illuminate in the night sky like a Batman signal calling Sal Cordileone into action. A true catholic superhero will swoop in to conduct some coitus interruptus!!

It’s unfortunate catholics feel they must find ways to impose their beliefs on anyone – especially people that have to some extent agreed to be associated with their faith. What happened to the notion of atonement for sin? What good is the act of contrition if punishment is meted out ahead of the sin?

Better question: Why can’t SF Archbishop Sal Cordileone find something uplifting to do with his spare time besides drink too much and be a crab?

He’s certainly not making the priesthood sound like inspirational, soul enriching work.

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